I Wanna Be an Illusion

‘I wanna be an illusion, I’m sure I’ll be feeling alright, …  just to be an illusion.

-i:

every1 wants,. 2be .. be.. be,

it happens by itself.

I’m on the edge of  that hole.

If I let myself go, I will fall

I wanna be there; I just want nothing else.

won’t mind dying while asleep, wont feel it, won’t know it’s coming… 

realization is the pain… don’t you want to forget.?

falling asleep is the best part.  could my soul vanish as I type this . word…  hh..  .h… …

didn’t happen,….  I wont know it if it happened.  wont feel it…. fair

  why started it, and I mean the existence, if you weren’t aware .

Fast or Slow Days

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I used to never go to sleep, and when I do I can’t wait to wake up.

Now sleep is the best part of my day, and I wake up just waiting to sleep.

I can’t tell if my day is too fast or too slow,  to be honest who knows.

Too alone to determine how fast my days go.

and time just hurts when I give it more thoughts.

Let it pass, let it go.  Time is relative, and I’m relevant to one no more.

Merely a physiological being;  I’m numbing my emotions for good.

Hello Depression

hello depression

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Take a seat.

Shall we talk it over

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Banging on my door, never wanna leave

Every now and then, you invite yourself in

to be seen, and take away my sleep.

Kicking everyone I love out.

Razing everything in my house.

 

I always knew,  you’re here to stay.

sorry for living

.

sorry for being lonely

sorry for being bipolar

sorry for being sad

sorry for being depressed

sorry for being not special

sorry for being me

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to everyone like me ‘ I’m tired.’

Dear,  I’m tired..

have the short end of the stick

most likely you know what Im about to say and don’t want to hear it.

but that doesn’t mean we can’t have something beautiful with others  ^^

I used to write back then things that can give me hope,

pain -vs- pleasure

and in your post

I wish there was a line that I couldn’t relate to.  I just wanted to say, same here, after each one.
“tired of being so self-absorbed”
The thing is we cant complain or we’ll sound self-absorbed again.

Depression Happens – depressology

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.

Cause and effect releasing chemicals depending on  what the brain focuses on.
If your sadness doesn’t match your reality; being sad for no reason is narrow minded stupidity. (angst kids)
You can similarly be dumb happy in an opposite way. (happy retards)

Your brain adapts to your environment and conditions depending on how active it is and how you grow up.  

need of love

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.

 

am I on your mind,   at any time..?

cus you’re on mine,  like.. all the time.

do I exist to you, anywhere?

what am I to you,  anyway?

how is this fair..  I’m in despair.

here I am again, all alone..

what type of life am I living,

it feels wrong with everything missing.

Sorry With a Lot of Goodbyes

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did_i_live_my_paradise

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everyday__it_didnt_seem

.

but__now_if_feels

.

hell__every_where

It’s Understood That I Love You

.

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It’s understood,  that I love you.

So I think

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I heard those lies saying nobody is perfect.  cus,

Everything about you is,

 I love the way you are.  I even love your flaws.

I know love that doesn’t use love.

The talk, the share, the memories we spared.

Each Time I Was Called Ugly

.

.

Call me ugly,

Please let me know it.

In my face, because I was happy

.

Call me ugly,

 Like I need it.

Say  it louder,

Like you mean it.

My now happiness

 

Im never going down.   I will just fall after..
When I fall, I will get up again..  Then fall harder..

Just to go up now! laughing, I might cry later..