Here’s the game, gonna only say it once…
I’m suicidal, I’m depressed, I’m fucked up.
People with my history are criminals or ones who killed themselves.
In my mind, no one deserves kindness because I never had such thing.
To not be I just pretend; smile on because I’m playing the game.
There’s a point of no return in the brain where it will shut love or go insane.
You lose if you get there. I wish you knew where I’ve been.
Racism, you made me hate my race.
Sexism, you made me hate being a male.
Hate what I didn’t choose and couldn’t change.
You live once, and I’m living with self hate.
Wish I could rip out my skin to ease the pain.
cut my genitals and cover my face
It’s letting you prejudge me till I die.
Life is ugly and so am I.
These feelings are too ugly to write about.
These times are too awful to keep in memory
How dare I ask you to sleep.
Close yours eyes and wait.
I will sing you a lullaby of pain
Breathless weeping, vexatious faint
Firing neurons twitching brain
Lumping scorching jugular veins
Heart throbbing accelerated rate
Blaring headache itching ache
Contracted sight speech impaired
Jealous of the shining stars in the galaxy,
I’m the beaten asteroid with tale of tears.
How come no other star is lonely,
I see them all dancing with peers.
No other where to say it but here.
Wish the day passes by. Wish I just fall asleep.
Wish I stop living this boring theme.
Hands on my cheek, miserable sorry being.
Unpleasantly clear, unworthy of belief.
Watching kids having fun. What is pleasure, is it real?
I failed my team when I had a dream.
Not here to appeal. Might my soul tonight just leave.
Restless past, harrowing peace.
Abrased flashbacks, relentless fears.
Compulsive erratic epileptic writings, anonymous dear.
In a public site, for no one to read.
Faking a smile trying to heal. Trying to dance with insides that bleed.
This is not about killing the gays or their rights; it’s about criminal psychopaths who are sentenced to death.
How many times did you hear the victim’s family say “It’s kind of a closure. but not a tear; I saw his face at the sentencing, he was plain, cold; had no expressions. no guilt; evil it was like staring at the white devil. …etc ” Well, off course he had no expressions. He’s a psychopath. He’s incapable of feeling any remorse or empathy. He will actually go to his death sentence with a clear conscious thinking you all misjudged him and feeling the purest forms of utmost innocence and irreproachability.
But empathy may be gained when you exclude that person from your life. However in the same time, like an addictive status of a drug, that individual will seek power in an environment where he can use subordinates and less powerful people and not be around people who he can’t use.
This is something I knew was true all the time; I went through it personally. I dont’ feel like sharing my experiences and stories about it, but I was shocked to read its outcome this way especially the last line about that new study.
The site is also linking to the whole study in a pdf
Not conscious of life.
Numbed by its disappointments.
A weak existence, one dimensional and timed.
Talking to myself, hearing my echo. Not leaving my bed.
Aware of how I talk to distract myself and experiencing how I don’t think.
Pushing it forward, but it isn’t moving.
Sick of breathing, sick of eating; sick of being conscious.
Am I truly stuck? I’m not panicking.
Every behavior and everything has an analogy in life, business, physics, math, biology/physiology, neuroscience, psychology, astronomy, philosophy, sociology … social economy, communication science, policies of different kinds, interactions and games, even wasting time seeking hobbies or playing video games.. just in every form of science.
You can always find valuable lessons from the universe on any scale and level to have an extremely similar analogy in one’s life.
PBS Nova – Fractals – Hunting the Hidden Dimension: