where we write it

don’t reach me

It’s further than my dreams. It’s beyond my imagination.. to scale my emotions to you.   I can’t understand you, and you don’t have to humilate me for it.  I understand that you can’t or don’t want to feel the way I do.   You might be right, I might not be this sad if I could be something else, too.

 Just not so long ago,  I liked to talk and explain,  but at the time, I was hoping that an angel would listen.  how silly I know,  I was a dreamy teenager.  Now I know I’m left with nothing or nothing.  I can pretend to be different till I believe it.  I’ll withhold my tears with blinking, and cover my fear with smiling.  Yes.. I can live in denial.

   I’m still staring…  breathing for another day, watching the time go by… hating everything that happens… hating everyone who laughs… loving my loneliness… loving the disturbance in space…  I’m all negative… but I cannot wish any harm to you;  I really wish you to be happy, and I’d myself make you happy if I could.  I don’t want anything..  I’m alive anyway.  If I died it won’t matter to you or me.

  I don’t have to remember anything I forgot.  I don’t have to keep anything I loved.  I don’t have to cry over you,  I don’t have to stop my bleeding. I don’t have to know what you’re feeling.  I don’t have to survive this path. I’m not doing anything I want; and I’m not getting anything I want.. I want you…


One response

  1. I feel I want to leave life.
    do you realize how lonely and purposeless we are?
    how ugly it is to live without love or reason, without belief or hope …..

    just breathe, it’s another day.

    October 28, 2011 at 12:27

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