where we write it

..failin college& stress

i’ll write what’s happening to me coldly ( no emos)

– thermo2334- 4credit was doing just C before this

just got out of an exam this morning, tuned a badly written progress report, but that’s ok.  really bad:  i got something 30% in the exam for sure.  I didn’t solve the 1st Q, worth 50% of the exam,  I did wrong on all parts of 2nd Q,  I did 3rd Q in such a huge hurry,  I guess I messed it up

– kinamatics4133- 3credit was doing F or D before  this

turned a rabbuish hw,  was the last hw, worths double points of previous hws. I don’t understand shit about his class, this hw : i coppied it from a calssmate as the lecture was given.  exam next Tues.  + phys 2101 exam next Tues, I never showed up to that class.  I wish I can manage to do something.  I wish this hw I just tuned it will not end up in judgedial system, honor system or whatever they call it.  I transferred from vt because I had one there,  I am not in the position to afford another one.  that’ll be the end of my academic career;

I keep asking myself of the senario of losing it all and starting from zero again.   I don’t have the family that can support that.  I really just would rather die than going through this shitty fked up life that i have.   I really have no where to turn to if I got kicked.   I wonder if i swolled dozen of pills will put me in hell.   I wonder if i’ll be so angry that I’d just accept to go to hell.   I stopped communicating with god for a long while now. just because I kind of don’t have time for religion.

man i want to disappear.  I don’t want to breathe the air you breathe in this world.  I want you finally to spit on me on the street because it seems to me that’s what you’ve always been trying to reach for.  wtf is going on in this life; shit trying to make me fail and fail;  I’ WIll fking Fail finally!  is this what you want?  I’d  disappear and go away from this sh-t. forfkingever.  Leave me alone, again , again , again,    I’ll isolate and get isolated,  I don’t want to get back to anywhere.  cut me into pieces I got nothing to lose.

I can cry, but tears will fall on the floor and change nothing; is this all because of money.. man,  I’ want to know what in the wolrd does money define to..  it fking defines to everything.  it’s the potientail for you to live… without it your energy is zero and you’re fking dead

————————————–

just got out of Kinmatics2 4443 exam,   i didn’t do that good, but really feel it would be better than the last time.

I’ll visit the prof in few mins to know my last grade

I still have a phys exam at 6 pm tonight,  haven’t studied shit for it yet

hungry

ja—, my a— advisor, sob told me he can’t go home this dec!!!  man, i’ll try again,  i’m going houston this thurs;  I’ll renew my passport at the embassy, then visit thier center if I had the time

I paid for the bus $115 round trip, going 12 am getting there 5 am,  returning back 6pm to 11 pm

?????  lost ??? mybe, life sucks,,  i think its sucking function has a negative slope for the time being

**

Ideas on head:

relative values of everything in life:  two points: ref point and survival point;  both relative to each other, also differnt in every environment for every person:

the ref point is refelcted from the environment (most likely)

the survival point is reflected on the person himself (you)

think about: relative wealth, smartness, education, love, desire…

what’s your refrence and survival points in those? where are you in there? how do you think those points were decided for your life?

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