what should i do (rant)
like what should i do.
i’m angry about something i can’t find.
lonely and empty….. but dunno what I want to fill myself with
what do i want? what do i need? what do i want to do? … i don’t know the answer to these qs, but what will i do? nothing. that’s what i’m doing. i don’t want to do that. i don’t know where i belong in this world. i’m not insane, but sane people don’t understand me. i’m impressive? superior? who sees that? no one. who cares about me? no one. a age yr lonely poor race dude, lost as sht. I ain’t ganna be no one. this world is too big? that’s not what i’m thinking about. the damn universe is too big. life goes on whether u like it or not. if I was given the chance to live the period from 2155 to 2220 for example instate of 1988 to 2020 (assume i’m dead by 2020) .. well, i’ would say no. 1988 2020 is slower, but had some change in its developments and speed. idk why i think i know what will happen, btw i’m always right about it. I can’t set a goal that I want to reach, that’s like an acceptable satisfaction for my exsistance. I would just live to serve 3-4 other souls in this world… yet, what are they? just another lost souls like you. so you didn’t really do anything. who cares? idk how many, but they don’t show they do if they did. suicide..? stop something that you didn’t choose its rules, because you can’t handle its rules? I don’t know what greatness is. who is great? can you be great? what’s your scale, refrence? is it relative? to whom am I great? does it matter.
agian, i will do nothing. because it’s all i can feel. why do i want to go to jail forever? solitary jail. time is not waiting for anyone, it’s racing, same speed. you wanna know what time is? define what happens in that time, let’s talk about a second.
### —- wow, i just earsed and retyped this line over 20 times, because I don’t know where to start. well, … from nothing >energy> mass> magnatic fileds > motion of universe, get a religion to put a start & end to it. while it’s an ever-lasting expanding universe. we never dealt with infinite, or minus infinite. yet, we’re trying to understand minus infinite while we’ll live for a second between it and that positive infinite period; before anything to be more important, lets make ourselves happy.. and what happens at infinite explains the ever-lasting expanding universe. instate, we just live a time with judgments and accusations, to think life isn’t purposeless, to look forward empty promises, is another day in religion. you will be lost thinking to compare how both paths are not sure about the origin and the end~
for the same reason: human capability cant reach the realization of what I am waking up for… we wont know. one guy’s saying: i’m missing a variable here, if you’ gave it to me, then I;d have solved the problem. another guy… maybe realized that variable is not accessible. So decided to solve the problem without it~
it’s like, there’re a possibilities of the future, and a possibility of non-possibilities. there’s a possibility of demand exsistance of understanding in order to get into a peaceful mind. there’s history, evidance, spirituallity…etc to help you picking that variable to solve the problem. I’m anything but mentally ill…
Under the assumption of predetermined exsistance . we see that the people are “throwing in” the chance by eliminating what they dont understand. therefore there % of finding acceptance just >0. while we’ll be living the ultimate fear and vulnerability under a possibility that has exactly 0 %. nb: the assumbtion of exsisted future that cannot determine/change your past is there, but in another field because it carries very weak probabilty to occer in the same spot, since it violates a directional timeline of events)
in my belief, that variable; I heard/concluded, it’s guessable… like do your best and give your best try. show your will by throwing > 0 % of getting the answer right… that’s how you’ll get it right. that makes me belive future could be good because I had good intentions, it’s kind of way to scientifically claim that % of karma exists. being grateful for my beings, fearfull for inferiority against this universe. so we can live heaven on earth: whoever you are, gender, place, conscious. no differences to make judgments.
Any other moudle will violate the exsistance of subsequent timeline of events. we neglect history and old events on the time you live now.. because it’s possible to investigage and reach to what happened in the past; just like we could change present to influence the future. and now, to seek peace for every creature lived in the past causing peacful future, and the present we’re living. how can I do this without standard of what is moral? I’d leave that for you to answer honestly to yourself.
Fortunaltly, life is not as hard as it could be (like I just described), there’re quantities in this life that will make you feel so beautiful to believe they exist for a second… i’m talking about love and belief in general, they are waiting for you to think about them. ironically, i’m using belief to to avoid it… it’s believing in no belief. what words would you seriously like to consider. ever thought about what you admire? and why? too heavy on my soul to even think about it. what can i say… unexplainable pieces of topics. I mean in every instant, there something that will make your reaction go “how the heck is this thing here!!” and smile to not shake and crumble. developments of an infant inside his mother womb.. is like a birth of another universe! and it happens in every living moment passing by. my reactions get me tired, consumed… and I can’t keep up with them anymore.
First part is what you say to clearly indicate that you are refusing something and to capitalize on the initial . So that actually leaves me with no choice but to believe where all 100% of evidences lay that my brain is not controlled by me! say crazy rant crap, but i’m not changing/editing what I put here. .. i’m just talking where I want no one to judge me. leave no space for differences, explain the exsistance of the previous time: because Italic matters to skip nxt dot…if I died then , while: past> change, predict, explain, cause the future. future> explain, focus I’d give u the key word to this location . find, and there must also influence to change and live the past. proofs are words and realizations, yet, ” those words were not saved by models.. It is same part twice each is two parts separated by number. they are changing just like events change each other every second”. that’s why all historic evidence could lay out what is happening to you at this moment in your living room or wherever.
you might tell me, maybe using the advantage what happened in the passed got “released” to anyone in the future to change or use in his advantage. so there it could be always two versions in the past, and two chances to make great present for you…, Well, you can take that as a possiblity, and study it yourself, tho it sounds like it wont settle at any point.. and keeps on varying, yet possible. + you’ll have to refer to past time evidences in every time you switch between, and you will find nothing proofing your theory, and you’ll have to look in reasoning behavior of your theory, and you’ll not be able to reason out it’s logic to occer.
**for example: the exsistance of something going completely wrong: negative the good, and positive the bad. that is a living possibility, it’s there for sure,and possible, but it’s illogical, therefore you wont find reasoning behavior or that theory, you’ll not be able to reason out it’s logical to occer.
To sum up, odds, odds, and odds… but for quite a time.. we survived.. this is merceful comparing to any other possibility out there, + fair and let everyone’s right equal under the assumption that we’re given what we did not work for.. living what we cannot control, and getting what we did not earn. we might not be equal spirits. we just all agreed to take this life test. creatures are not subjected to judgments, they’re there because it’s fair for them to stay. We, with the remaining choices, can do good or harm, were left with quite acceptable level of care and love from fellow humans, to decide what’ to do.
nobody wants to live so long… nobody wants to not find out
there might be heaven, but there’s no hell. god is too marcefull and fair to not do that. + not praying=/= hell. because, it depends how if you were doing everything for god as if he’s there, but when not praying, then .. idk, are you hurting him? disrespecting him? . My theory says he’ll finish your life without your awareness just like he started it without your awareness. .. Second part is when you count to a newborn as in 1 ..2..3 it’s a beautiful dance of many steps, and no need to put you in entirity of hell