I don’t feel like writing but
very low self esteem lately. not confidence and questioning everything. all assumptions, all possibilities… like to consider the harmful ones, too.
why do i think i’m an interesting person in first place? i hate the f**king fags who try to figure you out, analyze your shit.. like: you’re depressed, you’re struggling with your inner self. wtf, how the f–k do you assume i’m showing to you what i really want to show, or what’s really in me, or if it’s just made up fake shit? yeah, analyze my shit and then follow it by a life advice for the ultimate combo. F–k YOU !
It’s been a while where after the assumption that I might be not interesting and boring when talking about myself to others “especially that others don’t talk about themselves like that”, I stopped and have been trying to limit any talk about myself that will lead to no where. because who the f–k cares about me> what am I an evolving issue? i can talk about myself all time, till i die alone &crazy
there’re some shit I’d like to spit out which like:
– your opinion doesn’t f–king matter any more than mine.
– i’m not f–king less than any one who thinks they’re above me for any reason. bitches, arrogant people. f-k who don’t want to reach out. f-k fake ass mother f-kers. liars, f–k who think they understand what you all is, knowing your behavior, personality, and shit. nothing of that shit matters butt f–k ! get a life… even u getting a life doesn’t f–king matter
let’s put this sh*t clearer: I do nothing in my “free time” and do work I hate in my “work time”. that makes “work” as 19 hr out of 24 a day. it also takes my weekends, and shit. similarly, how it takes my personality, a big part of me does not give a f–k , cuz it’s all bad… no one cares about me? I don’t care about him either: I’d gladly confirm the mutual feelings. you f–king think you’re being nice when you show your fake ass and tell me nice shit to “not” let me see that shit? f–king be honest, I feel that sh*t. off course I do, unattractive boring loser… yeah f–k you. the f–king problem here, if I really worth shit and no f–k to you, then why do you assign that fake attitude to my ass? shit just make it worse. f–kingbe honest motherf–ker. I’m f–king sick of fake people. there I would rather type shit like that to this site than f–king be honest/opening up to someone, cuz he won’t be f–king honest with me, I’d be bothering him, and I’ll smell farts, but he’d not really spit out the truth, just to be nice, and fake… well, you forgot that I smell your fart f–ker. I know what the f–k you’re thinking, again, gladly confirming they’re mutual feelings.
I don’t wanna share much to get misunderstood. I f–king hate the world, I f–king hate people. I don’t know who I will ever f–king be friend with, I’m not going to have children, i’m not likely to marry anyone either. I’ll be questioning his fake ass all the time, till I really see it from the inside out, and proven loyalty from actions that indicate honesty and love. how many times were you helped out of a trap by someone, and no one was watching you being rescued, and then that guy who saved you disappeared? he just wanted to help, not take credits, not explain shit? that’s me, that’s how I’ve always been helping a lot of ppl. I can just mention examples, but I don’t really have the f–king time to brag about myself, what will i gain? take my word or f–k yourself.
I’m sick of thinking what others are thinking.. I’m sick of considering other prospectives on my prospective. what if it were true? then it all make sense. what if it were not? then it all make sense.
we cannot figure out humans’ intentions by what they show to us:
– it’s based on personal experiment
– it’s a contemplative test that’ you cannot figure out its results or detect its real parameters
– no assumption/solution/phenomenon can cancel a behavior chain proposal
– it’s delusion by definition: if you pretend it’s there, it’ll be there, if you don’t, then it wont- but that doesn’t say it cannot be real in the same time.
– based on: stop&think moral aspect. not finding reasons, but to spiritually/morally being grateful/ fearful/ fair to those ideas, assumptions and by respect it will be considered to be true every time.
for me: “human is weak vulnerable to greediness, faith, illusion, lust, power… it’s not expected for such thing to survive its own”