where we write it

how come we just don’t know



sometimes it feels disgusting to me how humans still don’t know how they ended up here.

it’s almost like if we came to term with the fact we don’t know and that’s fine.

More so,  we made philosophic riddles that ensure it’s impossible to obtain the knowledge of our existence.

Is it me, or is it really what supposed to be the most important thing we’re here for?

Knowing what this universe was and what nature is that kept us alive, for us to name it “the big question” and live distracting ourselves.

Time is passing by anyway; Life describing the words ‘ignorance’,  ‘denial’,  it’s ‘literary  living a lie’.

we’ve done everything except addressing it, as if we hope it doesn’t get exaggerated.  We’ve had children, we’ve had wars, we’ve made jokes, we’ve made food, created jobs, distributed lands, countries and citizenship, and our main goal is to make it ’till tomorrow.  Tomorrow is relative to every person,  could mean next hour, or it could be next 30-50-60 yrs.  We really just have a plan, don’t we?

We’re not comfortable with things that we can’t understand.. such as something infinite, or unlimited, but we get used to that term.   it’s why it’s effective for many people to plug that hole with religion. Then, it makes sense for a god with infinite power to put us to infinite time in hell with an infinite ascending of temperature, or heaven with an infinite ascending of pleasure.



It’s how we understand: i.e.  Cause-Effect:  Causality.  We know Big Bang isn’t the beginning of everything, because there was something before Big Bang. But step by step, we can let things be there before we know about them… until when we’ll find there’s infinite chain of causes. Big Bang just started the relevant events that’s occurring to our current universe.   ‘time t- doesn’t = 0’  at Big Bang, or you have to go to mines infinite.

Let’s assume we found the universe limits of causes beyond its boundaries, and saw quantum fluctuation making another universe outside our universe, and two universes colliding making a third one….etc.   If this function claims it’s increasing from 0 to a number, then collapse back to 0, then what about its derivative? what makes this 0 goes up? what about its derivative’s derivative?  will you end with a derivative = 0? ,(or no, that would be a fluctuating function like cos/sin,  so we leave things fluctuating again, and are there still since ever?…),   that will be a derivative of a constant function,  means there’s no change affecting that function,  means this constant is just there! one that takes no influence or change.. the god constant.  It’s the same causality argument.. cause to every consequence.  If our logic derives us to believe there was an uncaused cause started all of this,  then wouldn’t that violate our main thinking system of believing that every event is determined by a cause?   Isn’t the event of  ‘uncaused causing everything’  not included in our way of understanding what’s understandable? It’s another way of saying we can’t pin what infinite is… since it’s generating higher numbers, just like laws of physics had fluctuating existence of matter for this universe.  but then, what let that exchanging medium that all those functions took place in to exist in first place?   answer: another field.   What I’m describing is something I thought about from studying and thinking physics and astronomy; I really think there are already universes whose particles have long separated into elementary quad energies and so were able to form other continuum of “big-bangs.”   which is another way of saying infinite+1 = -infinite, then count again.  However, those are theories; there are many of them,  but those theories sadly involve subjectivity as some would argue that infinite+1 = infinite, but in order to argue back, we need to take the limit as your model function approaches infinite, you’ll see it doesn’t exist => infinite is not in its domain to analyze, study, understand, or test.

that’s exactly what human brains can do for the theory of god: not analyze, not study, not understand or test  because it contains infinite in every aspect of its description like I described in the first paragraph.


A room full of people; the task is to count to infinity: people started counting: 1, 2, 3, 4 …

1st group: Few guys stopped and said: “hey, you aren’t going to reach infinite, stop counting.. It’s useless”.  This group listened to that advice and stopped.

2nd group: didn’t believe we can’t reach infinite and kept counting hoping they will, or rather chose to ignore and live the nonexistent-delusional dream of reaching infinite.

3rd group: it didn’t matter to them whether the final result is possible to gain or not; said “we don’t care, because we’re getting closer to our purpose,  we’ll keep on counting as we’re alive.”

4th group:  It meant everything for them; said “what’s the point of life if we weren’t counting,” and out of panic they chose to either count or die;  they kept counting in a way that did not make sense to others. Once they can’t count further, they walk out from the door committing suicide.

5th group:  Those who couldn’t realize infinite, redefined it to something possible to grasp, and lived with it.  A lot of people got angry at them for doing so, calling what they defined a cloud of delusion that they need to snap from.

I started to count long time ago with group#3.  But frankly, I don’t want to panic to end up with group#4.  There comes sometimes when I partially stop, and try to figure out an effective way to count.  Of course I look like a punk wondering between the lines thinking I’m smarter than all,  but oh well..  It’s about time when I look the other groups, I rejoin group 3 like I always kept doing..
 We are still counting;  got to the point we’ hardly count ‘n’, and just once we count it, we try to start to find what’s n+1 because all we know that n was not infinite.   poor us; staying composed to not face we won’t reach infinite.

I don’t know which one of those groups is most realistic.  I do know the most disgusting group,  who literary gave up and started playing.  I don’t know why they aren’t counting, neither trying to help figure out a way to count (1st group).  Out of ignorance? Stupidity? Or hopelessness?  they occupy space-time of this small room, and are wasting it for themselves.  whatever it is, it looks very disgusting to me. totally irresponsible.  I respect who chose to rather walk out of the room and be dead than playing around  (4th group).   It is there, and still there.  Task is unsolved.  The funny thing is that what each group says about the other! ”

People die and people come into this room,  I cannot judge the people by their groups anymore.  Sometimes I wonder what group am I really in right now.  Every now and then, I hear people promoting their  ‘temporary solutions’ “right here I got it!”  an indirect-twisted solution is that is a solution but doesn’t really solve it.  I’m not sure they’re counting to the same infinite!   It’s always for who wants to use it.  I don’t know if that solution is real, or just made up to cope up with living with an unsolved task.       Who is right?  we’re all humans, and humanity would rather be happy than right after all.

  Curiosity completely, completely killed me, as it killed many others, for what infinite may look like.   I cannot blame my ancestors who haven’t done this task and just passed to us.  Sometimes I may question how dedicated they were for it.  Maybe if I didn’t have food in my stomach, I wouldn’t be saying these words now, I wouldn’t be counting either; I should be grateful instead.  I could’ve been looking for food like an animal. Or maybe it was sexual satisfaction, that would make me look for a partner. Or feeling empty in my self fulfilling prophecy; maybe it’s just those types of things that distracted them from getting this task done. Then they wanted to have children, so that we come and pick where they left off, or decide on where to go.   I’m kind of glad that I were given a better situation.  I’d survive on bread and water for the purpose of figuring out a way to solve this puzzle.  If I gave up,  then I would wave and walk out of the test room;  I heard they give out the correct answers outside.  I’m not sure about teaching anyone or having children of my own to pass it to.  I wish my parents didn’t pass to me in first place.   Here is where it gets selfish. I could feed myself to stay alive, but not force someone else so he solves it too?  If I couldn’t think of a way that makes a solution sensibly possible, then I would not personally pass it to anyone else.  That’s not selfish,  it’s selfish to let them do something I like but not approve. In other words, hope and belief don’t get passed by genetics.( Example of a 2nd group giving birth to one in the 4th group)

Well, for others who see it differently, you pass it,  I personally won’t.  You can choose to live in denial any time, in numerous ways because no one is telling me who is right, because   it’s  “why?” .  that never ends.  This is harmful the way it is, and that’s why I’m not passing it. If you don’t see it harmful, then just be fair and answer if you know how many people live by reverse psychology and take curtain possible answers as reality; either for convenient or happiness..likely?   I think we proved that a direct full solution will need an infinite set of information, which is impossible to obtain. Unless you just want to “belong.” They say it’s lucky to belong to some people distracted in living, though they get killed the moment they walk out…  arguing it’s better to live happy than right.

 I don’t believe there’s a number ‘n’  that we can’t count,  but I believe there’s no ‘n’  that doesn’t have ‘n+1’  after it, what is ‘n’


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