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Psychopathic Lover

Feelings shape into driving forces of needs for doing things.  Some days come when I’m numb to my feelings or not able to experience emotions as they become unreachable.  Those days feel so dead, passive and unconscious with complete loss of motivation to do anything.   It just hurts to dive into a vacuum of null, because we are alive.
  Some days I wonder if I were still alive, because I was never what I liked about life.  The purpose of what and the identity of who remain unanswered.  How long can I keep staring at an invisible spot.   I’ would walk on earth like a robot.   How many have walked before? Where are they? Who was the best? Why?

I’m a robot with feelings, don’t tell me my needs. I will not stop functioning even if I disagreed!

I don’t want to walk now.  I want you to go away.  Turn off my battery  please.. !

Don’t let me breath;  I don’t like the air. I dislike the earth.

I can’t see where I can go from here and not collide with you master!

How does it feel if someone moved your hand to let you eat,

moved your eyes to let you read, let you speak, let you walk, let yous serve…

What if you cry but he doesn’t move your hand to wipe your tears.

What if you still feel, but he tells you it’s an illusion..

What if you were burning from the inside for something he cannot see.

He lets you burn as long as you talk the way he wants and walk the way you’re trained. 

Master! Please…stop !

I’m not staring at an empty spot..  let me talk.

I’m not a liar and I really feel.

Master Please…  before you shut me down,    I can let you know what my feelings mean.

Are you listening?   I have a lifespan of 60 years.

My stopwatch is in your hand,  to stop my psychological being.

Do it.  I wont be able start it again.   I didn’t start it the first time… how can I start it again?

For me, it’ll stop and stop my world, stop my time, stop this endless theme.

A wish..  can become true! But my wish to you was never through…

All I wanted was to tell you, that I  for whatever love means, I really love you.

You’re my world to me.  If I.. if I can’t , touch you, then please put me to sleep.

Forever, so I can forever about you dream.

Let me leave, with a broken heart and face soaked in tears.

I’ve been held under water.  Let me out, let me breathe.

I’m held under water, down can you hear me scream?

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. Do you want me to inhale water?

You’re putting me back again, again, again and again.  Do you to make it harder?

It will be too late when it’s too late.   It will be a no return. 

Please don’t hold me down more than I could.

How else can I explain to you with emotions if they mean nothing to you.


One response

  1. preparing to lose:

    it’s one of those moments, when I’m wide conscious and numb; when I’m full and empty. when i come to this site to let off something that’s been inside, but can’t find it.
    biting on my tongue, and eating a lot… maybe if I’m full that thing will go.
    alone, flipping on bed, thinking about the end of the year when i’ll quit .. been a lot of years and I went no where. looking away and ignoring again, maybe if I got off this feeling would go.

    i wont talk more here for no one to read. staring at the ceiling.

    October 15, 2011 at 21:07

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