everyday’s hard life
gotta work, cant have fun, do things you hate, cant sleep, joy is over, no purpose, pressure, anxiety, loneliness, endless worry and exhaustion.
remember, some years ago, you were with your mom on phone, or your mom called you, and it was just a question of her “how’re you doing” … long story short, you said few words, then started to cry, saying I cant take this sh*t, a lot of pressure you hate and so….
some time after that year, I remembered that call and thought it was stupid of me to freak out my mom that way, that i was a pussy for not taking pressure and crying of loneliness or whatever…
but now, i see that as everyday’s life. the words are above,
read them again if you want, they’re still.. . when can I do something i like? when can I enjoy life? is that a myth and life is just sh*t. what it supposed to be if it were, then why live it.. cant even find comfort in death with the idea that i may burn in nasty hell forever.
when im full, i say i wont eat.
when im sober, i say i wont sleep.
when im empty, i say wont give in pleasure.
when time is easy, i do nothing with it.
when time is hard, i wish it were easy.
when alone, wish i were with someone.
when with someone, wish i were with someone else.
not a hypocrite, but there’s
void *** in me, that i throw anything trying to fill it.