No~Therapy

No welcome to therapy

‘

Sit there and complain about it.
Feel how slow time is.
How cold, how boring, how long.
Relapse and fight it.

“Can I share with you please I’m lost.

I’ve been tearing myself over and don’t know how to put it.

but no therapy, I either vent to a wall or write you to laugh at me say it.

 

I’d put on my best dress and dance.

Going to my notherapy session where no one talks about love.

Trying to relate but I don’t know if I can. Belonging everywhere unfound.”

 

‘

 

I remember being too stressed about life.  I would walk up to the councilor all tight. 

One too many thoughts on my mind, forcing the first word out of his mouth

   I’d not speak at all,  “relax, is everything alright?”

Say a random thing then take it back.   It’s obvious I’m worked up and ready to cry

the moment I start thinking.   I’m so exhausted  I don’t know why I hate living so much. 

  Unhappiness for life,  I wish I was lying.  Looking at him dead in the eye like I wish I could change it.

Write f-king what that could express it?
Tell you that I’m mad f-king bitter I never had sh-t.
You’re so lucky if you only wear makeup to be pretty.

Asking dumb questions that you know their answers,  ignorant insensitive prick!

And no you don’t f-king understand b-tch,   Saying human’s mind is great while you’re smoking stuff and popping pills.

Life and hope, sex and things showing you what love is,  instead of physical assaults, kidnap and rape.

You probably want to raise kids, and for life to go on.   I feel so much less, unable to go anywhere, stuck in filth.

Go on and rub your perfect life in my face.  

Silver spoon,   human experience, human conscious… my **-

Living fake, smiles and rejections. Unsecured life of hate, no love or affection. 

Mind of stress, suicide my first thought, worthless! 

Loner and to an unbalanced mentally hostage.

Isn’t it giving you pleasure hearing my troubles always? 

In no therapy I’m welcome always.