How badly I want love
.
Ever since I was a kid I wanted to love, I wanted to love
Now I don’t like my voice, I grew old , lonely and old
Worn out but still I wanna love, I wanna love.. no
Can’t listen to my inner thoughts. They just hurt, they’re cold
I’ve written my book. One day we will live no more
If I don’t need, I wont want, no I don’t want
In other words, no one cares
A world of so many, and a lot in pain, and fewer who share
An author who’s gone tomorrow
With untold incommunicable pain
Indigestible depression, sadness for lunch and dinner
Life passing by, like torture
happiness… we may never meet in life
Lucid Nightmare
.
Something…
Time spawning… Forever lasting…
Something… Something
Forward acting… Into a universe
Clumping matter with balanced energies
Something… Something…
Life started temporarily
Something… Something… Something
This amazing brain is thinking, and consciousness lived to wonder
Born pushing life’s short end
I’m sorry that you’re alive but glad it’s temporary,
So we don’t have to work forever
I knew it just happens so it’s not helpful to wonder how it ends
I have nothing to say
You have nothing to do
That seems to be the worst part of being alive
Dying When Our Jobs Are Done
I’m going crazy, would it matter if I told you?
A world of misery, will anything change if I tell you?
Wide awake until I sleep tonight
So alive until I die this life
Emotions all over the place
Brain is shellshocked
Meaning that I play this game
Passing time pretending to live
Hoping that it goes by in peace
Traveling the least path of pain
Closer to death letting entropy increase
Talking myself out how awful it feels
It’s Dejav… damn not again…
Existence’s Best Thing; Love
It’s my saddest time of the year
Just before all my birthdays turn out lonely
In the middle of a paloroid existence
Jumping in and out of so many colors
I’m heartbroken and you’re too pretty
I can’t fall in love with you
Stop being nice
I can’t believe you kissed me
Then left me with empty emotions
My everyday feels like yesterday
Now has even begun to feel like tomorrow
That goes on forever that goes on forever
Life is fast; happy or sad it wont last
I’m used to misery
My white world is grey
Silence after every spoken word
Meaning what was said doesn’t matter
Colorous momentarily…
Some day, someone will care
Because I don’t think it was a dream but unreal….
That’s just unfair
I keep a lot of things to myself
I wish I don’t forget these….
How can I forget existence’s best thing
Mariana Trench
Can you be my counselor tonight?
I want to tell you something now that I may not tell you at any other time.
I can’t stand up anymore.
Watch me throw myself on the ground
A lesser human
Arrogant and useless
Obnoxious and repulsive
I’ve always been lonely so leave me alone now.
So freaking ugly don’t take my photo man.
Asking about how I’m doing as if you care
…. I cant wait to die
Those voices I couldn’t keep to myself,
simply mean nothing to everyone else.
Thus no one cares about mental illness.
Literally…
Just in mind experienced:
“Go kill yourself! Shortcut the BS.”
Background Waves of Death
Hours flipping in bed with insomnia
No one asking for days,
No one cares
Does it get any lonelier
Because I’m numb to it
Beyond sad I’m sick of this.
Instead of suicide notes
I screamed and fought.
complaining about how lonely it gets
with the exact same words I used before
Disgusting Dejavus.. life is scary
I think I’m just distracting myself to let time pass by.
The purpose of life is not to wait the clock tick for us to do our job, is it?
…
Another day to waste alone
Awkward and Shy
I see you when I close my eyes.
messed up right?
an in-and-out-of-love girl
So it happens often
I can’t keep a thing to myself
my heart is used to it.
Don’t look at me while you do it
… I like being ignored
….
and I still see you when I close my eyes,
even taste you in my dreams
All my clothes smell like you
I found your hair in my notebook the other day
We walked together everywhere
Now I feel half of my body missing
.
You’re busy, people around you all the time
right, I should have some dignity.
I read this line every time and say you deserved it
freaking alone.. freaking alone wanted to try a new thing
Thought you were ready; but where did it go wrong.
I swear those freaking moments I spent with you were the funnest ever.
Say Three Words
I thought you were the cutest thing ever
But so did many others
You were one of those
False alarms
It’s one big climb
Should you back out
I’m just dead inside pretending hard
Years in repair for my best act
The Three Words I never heard
So I made the biggest stage,
and of myself the biggest fool
Unreality
Im not stopping now
I can’t stop right now
Every moment with you is my best of all time
Im living an eternal paradise
So Im running into the sun
Pushing everyone around
With love burning down
So fast to stay alive
I will run faster tonight
Then heal back in your arms
When you say everything is fine
Nameless Love
nameless beautiful love
keep me there
where I wanna stay
I swear I don’t care
if time stops now
it’s unreal
what if i told you
I turn all girls down just so that
you notice me alone with one too many
and it’s only you I’m staring at. don’t lie
you see me staring you as much I’m stared down
too pretty and your eyes are freaking wow
so tell me do you wanna .. at all
Stop trying to wake me from this dream I duwanna
——-
What’s your name
hold my hand and waste my minutes
and yes I want you if I can
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