where we write it


Why is Everything Lame and Expected

Your brain falls right in the middle. source “http://primaxstudio.com/stuff/scale_of_universe/


Why does conscious constantly consume existence?

Does everything make sense because it does? or because it’s the sense we came to accept according to how our minds work?

Is it because causality answers every why in the universe we live in? or is it because other whys take other causalities that don’t exist to us?



“Entropy is hidden information; hidden because the structures are too small and too numerous to keep track of.” Leonard Susskind lecture1: Boltzmann and the Arrow of Time





Physics:  The spacetime collapses to move inward until stops at the singularity in blackholes.  As time is yet to be emerged in that state (during no observer/ mathematical state) , it is energy with one less dimension (time),  inactive in the spacetime continuum, its mere data that is preserved on the blackhole horizon surface.  So equivalent to expressing the geometric entropy of a blackhole by its horizon’s area instead of being volume in our time-emergent world, the way that energy is spent in spacetime again when it goes in reverse.  as if the hologram we’re living is in the minus direction of time.  In other words, spacetime moves in the opposite direction except from our small occupation of it in order for all energy forms to have a potential to go for.

Mathematics:  The equal sign representing the flow direction from ‘purpose’ to ‘need’, equivalent to ‘function’ or ‘frequency’ to  ‘potential’  is always revisable.  Just like when you give any direction to an electron journey in an electrical circuit.  It works when we throw the numbers, but the equal sign doesn’t tell how the entropy is involved.

Philosophy: Know The Story to Have a Purpose (minus and positive time direction).  Just like life mainly absorbs happiness from what is offered with the exceptions of moments that require to achieve functions with respect to ‘others’.  Happiness is moved toward spending instead of being absorbed in order for those moments to happen.  It’s a change of the flow direction for the sake of the bigger image.

when something happens equally you can’t tell the order of the ’cause’ and ‘event’.  However, for it to have a purpose then that thing also answers the question “Why?  and for the universe to have a purpose”

‘I can because I want’  >   ‘I want because I can’ Read the rest of this page »


Fast or Slow Days


I used to never go to sleep, and when I do I can’t wait to wake up.

Now sleep is the best part of my day, and I wake up just waiting to sleep.

I can’t tell if time is too fast or too slow,  to be honest who knows.

Too alone to realize how fast my days go.

Time just hurts when I give it more thoughts.

Let it pass, let it go.  Time is relative, and I’m relevant to one no more.

Merely a physiological being;  I’m numbing my emotions for good.

Read the rest of this page »




When your hands are cold,

I will bring you closer.

All my other writings are sad… I’m so bipolar

But for you it’s only love…  Loveeee forever!

Let the sun scatter itself and spacetime make us older!

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Hello Depression

hello depression


Take a seat.

Shall we talk it over


Banging on my door, never wanna leave

Every now and then, you invite yourself in

to be seen, and take away my sleep.

Kicking everyone I love out.

Razing everything in my house.


I always knew,  you’re here to stay.

Read the rest of this page »

sorry for living



sorry for being lonely

sorry for being bipolar

sorry for being sad

sorry for being depressed

sorry for being not special

sorry for being me


I , wanna die
I , wanna die

I am trapped

I dont know how to love life

hide, yes anywhere I wanna hide

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to everyone like me ‘ I’m tired.’


Dear,  I’m tired..

have the short end of the stick

most likely you know what Im about to say and don’t want to hear it.

or sit and lets have a bacon samwich together ^^

but that doesn’t mean we can’t have something beautiful with others  ^^

Humans only got each other on this planet.  That’s how we make differences and what we count as something that matters.

I can commiserate and feel sorry for myself as much as I want, but it will hardly make a difference.  I used to write back then things that can give me hope,   pain -vs- pleasure

In your post

“tired of being so self-absorbed”
The thing is we cant complain or we’ll sound self-absorbed again.
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Depression Happens – depressology



Cause and effect releasing chemicals depending on  what the brain focuses on.
If your sadness doesn’t match your reality; being sad for no reason is narrow minded stupidity. (angst kids)
You can similarly be dumb happy in an opposite way. (happy retards)

Your brain adapts to your environment and conditions depending on how active it is and how you grow up.   Read the rest of this page »

need of love




Am I on your mind,   at any time..?

Because you’re on mine,   all the time.

Do I exist to you, anywhere?

What am I to you,  anyway?

How is this fair..  I’m in despair.

Here I am again, all alone..

What type of life am I living,

It feels wrong with everything missing.
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Sorry With a Lot of Goodbyes


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Each Time I Was Called Ugly



Call me ugly,

Please let me know it.

In my face, because I was happy


Call me ugly,

 Like I need it.

Say  it louder,

Like you mean it. Read the rest of this page »