where we write it


pain vs pleasure



Agonizing future, because thoughts make it so.

The standards of expectations vs satisfaction value everything to what it’s set to be.

No reason to live?   On the full half we see no reason to die.

It’s true,  tough days are memorable, but they hold the least feelings to explore.

You had so much to do in the fast-rate days; I liked the slow meaningless days…  better.

My dreams have always been better than reality;  moreover, they’re free;  yet, fake;  nevertheless, they feel real.

People shamelessly admit that seeking happiness is a life goal.

Ironic how a feeling is the best a reality can bring  just as an illusion can.

 It’s why in such uncertain unsymmetrical times,  they both mostly matter just about the same.


well said Dalai Lama; It’s what I always wanted to think.

Reading this quote, I had nothing to say because it’s how I always thought since really early on.

What makes us good or evil?

BBC Horizon – What makes us good or evil?


my response:

So it’s expected as a normal probability for people with psychopath genes and abused environment to be merciless and aggressive; therefore we should punish them less?
So how “much” abuse should I get to have green light for killing?  what do u call those who fight it? super good people?
wtf is this logic of equality !?! Read the rest of this page »

everyday’s hard life

gotta work, cant have fun,  do things you hate,   cant sleep, joy is over,  no purpose,  pressure, anxiety, loneliness, endless worry and exhaustion.

remember, some years ago, you were with your mom on phone, or your mom called you, and it was just a question of her “how’re you doing” …   long story short,  you said few words, then started to cry, saying I cant take this sh*t, a lot of pressure you hate and so….

some time after that year,  I remembered that call and thought it was stupid of me to freak out my mom that way, that  i was a pussy for not taking pressure and crying of loneliness or whatever…

but now,  i see that as everyday’s life.     the words are above,

read them again if you want Read the rest of this page »

I wish I were your friend


I wish I were your friend.

I would really be f–king happy.

I’m missing a lot of things in life;

one of them is kindness.

another one is smiling,

another is acceptance,

and finally .. love.

I am really lovely,  and really empty.  please fill my life Read the rest of this page »

day after another

one day after the other,  I value things that I’m the only one who cares about.  Sometimes, I feel like giving up…

when all loads come to put you down,  and all fall mercilessly on you…     , 

why would you  get up after that?   why are you still holding to the cliff refusing to fall?

because when I look up,  I imagine colorful things…  me ,  holding the hand of one that I love.

because I still have those  hopes…

because I  know bowing out means death.

tell me that it will not end,  I will hold anyway.  if we all hold, if we all hope,  if we all do, then one of us will make it, and turn a desperate look into a smile. 

I, keep falling, but I keep getting up,..  time after time.

Everytime you ask me,  if I answered, it will be that I will get back up.

If I can promise,   I won’t give up before my nerves give out.  I will keep looking up till the tears blind my sight.

what are emotions


is it up to you to live or not?

I don’t think so;  it wasn’t up to you when you were born male or female;  it wasn’t up to you to grow up in the best land of the world or in the poorest of third world countries.  it was not up to you to grow up surrounded by love or hate,  care or confusion, ease or struggle.

to live means attend the events and interact with them with thoughts, you live your emotions, you live your understanding and awareness.   You were left to handle your conscious by surviving and doing whatever activity you feel like. If reality asked you why, you will not have a real purpose.  you might think you do; you might think you the one who composed yourself the way you are, but in reality you were accounted for nothing compared to what you were not accounted for.  genes, fate, possibilities, luck, actions, environment… so

Read the rest of this page »

why the f–k are you crying?

i dont know.

not lonley, but too hopeless and much work to do to live

i can’t help it but to think about all the sh-t i gotta do to live

thinking about a sh-t life.  what else to do just to f–king live

thinking about others.  what else to do to let them live

“i hate myself, and i hate my coincidences”

i hate my failure to succeed… i hate how i became just another sh-t in life

wtf  is that

Read the rest of this page »

Be an Illusion

‘I wanna be an illusion, I’m sure I’ll be feeling alright, …  just to be an illusion.


every1 wants,. 2be .. be.. be,

it happens by itself.

I’m on the edge of  that hole.

If I let myself go, I fall

I’ll be there; I want nothing else.

dying while asleep, wont feel it, won’t know it’s coming… 

realization is the pain… don’t you want to forget.?

falling asleep is the best part.  could my soul vanish as I type this . word….

didn’t happen,  I wont know it if it happened.  fair

  why started it, and I mean the existence, if you weren’t aware .


Am I the only one this way,…

Wrinkled eye brows, tension in face, shaken hands, serious, awake, lost  and stressed. Read the rest of this page »

Big Dreams Stuck in My Small Head


Big dreams, like if dreaming was easy

small dos, no capability.

Big dreams, using a subjective description…. “Big.”   let’s make what I got…. “Big” and live it.Big dreams, no brain could take it, no body could make ’em true.

Big dreams, no place to dream further. Read the rest of this page »