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Psychopathic Lover

Feelings shape into driving forces of needs for doing things.  Some days come when I’m numb to my feelings or not able to experience emotions as they become unreachable.  Those days feel so dead, passive and unconscious with complete loss of motivation to do anything.   It just hurts to dive into a vacuum of null, because we are alive.
  Some days I wonder if I were still alive, because I was never what I liked about life.  The purpose of what and the identity of who remain unanswered.  How long can I keep staring at an invisible spot.   I’ would walk on earth like a robot.   How many have walked before? Where are they? Who was the best? Why?
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I’m a robot with feelings, don’t tell me my needs. I will not stop functioning even if I disagreed!

I don’t want to walk now.  I want you to go away.  Turn off my battery  please.. !

Don’t let me breath;  I don’t like the air. I dislike the earth.

I can’t see where I can go from here and not collide with you master!

How does it feel if someone moved your hand to let you eat,

moved your eyes to let you read, let you speak, let you walk, let yous serve…

What if you cry but he doesn’t move your hand to wipe your tears.

What if you still feel, but he tells you it’s an illusion..

What if you were burning from the inside for something he cannot see.

He lets you burn as long as you talk the way he wants and walk the way you’re trained. 

Master! Please…stop ! Read the rest of this page »

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to wisper you how I feel

 

i really feel 1 out 100000000 all copy of each other.  the time we live,, doesn’t mean anything.  We all are going the same speed.   I want
to cry and starve myself to death.    why? Read the rest of this page »

Beautiful in the first line; Ugly in the last one

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I would give you what you want,  you’re beautiful.

tell me, with a sign, that you want to..

I’ll put you high… High,…High,

you got my attention, more than all  my friends, and family.

Take me on, anytime.  All is yours, none is mine. 

You’re the chooser, I wait to be chosen.

If you felt any weight on your shoulder, I’ll be there  to take it.

Wherever you go, I’ll be there to make it.

………………….. but

just if i may ask you, i don’t know why if someone liked you.. you don’t, like him,

and like to ignore him.

 that he’s not your fancy,…  for you he’s  nothing worthy.

Do I owe you an explanation?

I mean, we’re all humans, so ….  he wrote you, called you, told you.. that he truly likes you.

but you’re into .. some complexion, of higher looks and material. Read the rest of this page »

violated rant

I have an emotional injury.  I wish I’ were invisible,, I’d just
lay down on the street, and let it rain on me.
Let my skin die from the cold.  Stay without food, no sex; Read the rest of this page »

I feel as a human

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I guess I am at my lowest, and all I can wish for is to get back up.
My world is falling apart, but it’s crappy anyway…
and if I don’t matter to myself, then to everyone I don’t;
I’m alienating, poor, weak.. I feel so  unknown.  
my luck sucks, and i’m unattractive, Read the rest of this page »

hooked

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you were the only one i talk to everyday.  I miss
you more than you think. you’re an addiction and my only
friend who exists. I dreamed and dreamed about you.
And
every time I feel something, It’s you who I want to tell it to.
you taste so wrong

Read the rest of this page »

Emotional Brain

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it’s where emotions flow
where each emotion goes

 what makes me want
why what I want is wrong

 a place for all my wounds Read the rest of this page »

minus infinity moment – statemnets of my religion

 

– Everything needs frequency & energy to be done, even the universe itself was figured to be made that way.

– What Science could explain is what happens if both of those existed for a moment.  However, you cannot really answer what medium could or why would have that energy follow to be something instead of nothing with time unless you introduced random possibilities with null being one of them if existed on curtain working conditions as well (the balance of the four forces in physics).

It’s equivalent to saying there was nothing but everything can occur just as likely as nothing so boomshakalaka, excuse me I mean, Big Bang.

We always thought energy is conserved.  There must have been E0 = E1,  as E0: initial that was there,  and E1: transformed form from E0 to make the universe.   If time is the allowance of interaction of all particles, then you may assume what we think is time must have been there since the  ‘minus infinity moment’  and it has still not ran out till this day, unless your conscious world has stop, it’s still going for each of us respectively.  In return, it’s allowing the energy to still have those forms making the universe we experience now. Read the rest of this page »

update nothing new

3-29-2010:- my ankle is still broken since march 5- I feel empty and have all work to do- I want to cry- I don’t want thte time to move-  cold and lonely,  lost and empty, just ready to go to hell- Read the rest of this page »

My Empty Corner

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“Hey there, what are you enjoying … ?”


Ah,  me?  always in the corner,  it’s just …

when I go back to reality, I can only be what I’m set to be; produce and function the way society wants.

Dreams hit a ceiling and reality sinks in.

Myself has nowhere to go and no where to show.

Back to reality, who cares where I fit?  who is there to see me .. and why?

Back to reality, what’s worth crying for? what’s worth living for?
Read the rest of this page »